Girl Boss Syndrome
#GirlBoss: A capable woman, confident to pursue her dreams, business, or career
A couple days ago I found myself exhausted, and snuggled into my bed at 8:00pm. Then I remembered the promise I made to myself. From October 1st 2020 until January 1st 2020 I would create a piece of content every single day. So I opened the notes on my phone and here’s what poured out.
Hi, my name is Kara Jonsson and I’ve wanted to be a girl boss for as long as I can remember. When I started to really answer the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up I never could say “a director” “a producer” “an actor”. But what I could define was a feeling.
I dreamed of the following scenario….
I walk along the street in New York City, as I strut down the avenue I feel exactly like myself. It’s 9:00am, and I’ve had a full productive morning. A coffee is clutched in my hand, and I’m dressed in a rather fantastic coat. I feel as confident as I look, and I know I”m about to walk into a room where I am respected. The folks in that room will look to me to be a leader and deliver intentional guidance. This is where I want to spend my life.
This seems like an unbelievably cocky fantasy when I read it over, but I also know how the boys who will grow into men don’t struggle with those types of statements. They confidently state that they will be a millionaire or the best at (insert any job).
Yet I feel bad for wanting to wear a nice coat and be a confident leader?
This is what I call girl boss syndrome. Now, you are more than welcome to have another opinion, but this is how that trendy phrase consistently shows up in my daily life.
I want to be confident, strong, and secure. But I don’t want people to be intimidated or think that I’m being too bossy.
I often have days where I look on the outside like I’m calm, cool and collected. But on the inside I’m struggling and honestly thinking about the big zit on my face.
I post eye catching Instagram stories about my life. But in reality I’m in an unflattering grind to make my dreams come true.
To me, being a girl boss is constantly wanting to be a leader, visionary, and creative but simultaneously struggling with the identity that society has succeeded to project in media, education, and workplaces across the country.
I was inspired to write this post because yesterday I had the period blues.(Oh my god did she just talk about her period. Yep. I mean holy crap every female on the planet has it can we just talk about it already.)
But my period loooooves to mess with my brain. I am honest and open about my struggle with depression, and I’m grateful to have grown into a place where I don’t have to fight to get out of bed every day.
However. During the period blues? All bets are off.
So here I am, struggling to feel positive and at my best because I’m posting my life on social media and talking about the goals I’m crushing. And honestly I just want to curl up and eat some ice cream. (PS. I totally support that, honestly by the end of the day that was me.) But the truth is, life is not that bad right now. I am beyond privileged in what I’ve received in this life, and I feel so incredibly lucky.
So between singing the blues and realizing I’m really pretty okay I end up in the middle.
In no man’s land.
And this my friend, is where girl bosses get reaaalllyyyyyyy freaked out.
Why? Let me explain.
I read about and follow a LOT of female artists and entrepreneurs. And these folks openly and honestly share their highest highs and lowest lows. They are trusted for their authenticity and ability to share without censoring, and the social media community LOVES it. When they celebrate their wins we see comments such as “You are a boss, you’ve got this!!” And when they cry on Instagram Live. They are “brave”. and “warriors”. Now, don’t get me wrong. They absolutely are. You couldn’t pay me to be subjected to the kind of critique these women get in their day to day lives.
But what about me? I’m not making a million dollars, but I’m not facing unbelievable challenges either.
Honestly. I’m just fine.
And THIS is where I freak out.
My brain goes on a roll…
“Ugh you’re just so average”
“You’re not battling that hard”
“Real champions face unbelievable hardship”
“No one wants to hear about you doing the same routine again today”
My brain tells me that Girl Bosses are supposed to be super high or super low. That the in between is unflattering. Nobody likes the girl in the middle.
Have you ever found yourself in that position?
Realizing you’re just average?
I really don’t recommend it, but it's the headspace I find myself in very often.
So I’ve named it.
Girl Boss Syndrome: The spiraling of the female brain when one is neither succeeding nor failing. When one is neither breaking barriers nor crumbling. When one is fine, and simultaneously realizing that this is not the media’s definition of a Girl Boss.
So what do we do? How do we overcome this state of “fine-ness” or “status quo”?
Well here’s what I’ve come to learn. What helps me when I’m stuck in the hamster wheel of “I’m nothing special”.
I repeat to myself. “You’re in the montage.”
Let me explain.
You know in movies when the characters get to work on the new project or the couple is falling in love and they sort of just cut through weeks, months, or years of time.
Well I’ve come to realize that in real life there’s no fast forward button. You get to live through the montage. And guess what? The montage means that life is happening. That the plot is in motion. We would never get to the beautiful ending if we didn’t watch the montage.
The montage is essential.
Your average routine is essential.
Your “fine-ness” is essential.
Your daily commitment to just get up and do it again is essential.
You are essential.
And guess what? The movie director of your life might see those scenes as borning, that they “really should be set to music and trimmed down”, but that doesn’t make them any less meaningful.
Your story NEEDS the montage.
And here’s the secret. Being a girl boss… (record scratch) hold please.
Can we just say “Boss”? Why do we need the “Girl”?
As I was saying…
Being a Boss doesn’t mean following a set of criteria, it doesn’t require you to “be” anything.
Being a Boss is about the daily commitment you make to your happy ending.
So please, don’t hit pause now.